15 Learnings from 15 Years of Cruising the Human Change Curve.

NOTE: As a change-management guy by day, I wrote this article for colleagues in that space. But since so many of us on Medium are personal growth and change geeks, I thought it’d be fun to share it here, too. Enjoy!

It’s crazy out there. And it’s not just business leaders, managers and end users who travel the perilous ups and downs of the human change curve: change-management folks are subject to those same powerful forces.

What have I learned rocketing through the change galaxy the last 15 years? Tons.

Through our Frank change-management and communications company we closed in December after a 15-year run, I worked with amazing change advocates in large companies like GE with thousands of employees scattered across the globe to small ones like BE with a family of employees you could cram into your average Midwestern home for the holidays.

What follows are 15 of my favorite insights, in no prescribed order, spontaneously penned while orbiting the space of business and personal transformation. Quirky. Funny. Naturally frank. Many led to best practices we packaged a little differently for clients. All help me navigate work and family relationships with my wife, daughters and dog to this day. Hope you enjoy a few…

1. Amore fati. Embrace the “love of fate.” Accept you don’t know what you don’t know. Absolutely build detailed plans for success but realize that at any time, someone’s temper-tantrum, a lame turn of political events or a ridiculous budget cut can obliterate them. Actually, expect that it will happen so you can hold steady when it does. All eyes are on the change lead who goes about her work calmly as the sky is falling. (Today, anyway.)
2. Use the F-word a lot. I’m talking about “fun,” of course. Change can be heavy, scary, stuffy. Often what’s lacking is fresh, creative energy reflecting the genuine benefits of making big changes. Yes, it’s serious business. But there’s always a way to inject some fun into the change process that people will appreciate. Find the right vibe for your culture and don’t oversell it.
3. Get over it and get into it. Brené Brown has it right: “When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.” Something I always remember about the self-sabotaging stories I tell myself — and the ones I hear repeated over and over again in the hallways, meetings and boardrooms of clients. Your main job is to create a new narrative. One that taps the best of the past and makes the future clear, accessible and worthwhile pursuing.
4. “We need leaders to match the greatness of our people.” Nixon said this in his ’68 Nomination Acceptance speech. I like the quote because it keeps me focused on my priorities as a change consultant. Get to know the corporate culture, meet with the exceptional people who don’t make the leadership org chart, scale their enthusiasm and front-line knowledge, build organic change momentum, give leaders all the credit for the success that follows, and lastly, hope to hell they learn from it.
5. Bounce the static. At our Frank office, we used to have boxes of BOUNCE dryer sheets in our conference rooms. Why? To help make someone’s intuition about someone else’s BS tangible and actionable. Idea was to toss a BOUNCE sheet in the air when someone sensed static about untruths being spoken. Odd? Totally. Effective? Definitely. How do you call out the BS you hear in a non-threatening way?
6. Perfectionists don’t trust themselves, not you. I’m still up for all-nighters knocking out an awesome presentation or prepping for an amazing event. It can be worth it with a great team. But wasting time in long meetings incessantly nit-picking over subjective Powerpoint design details or pushing for perfect phrasing in your Word doc is insanity, completely unproductive and a true morale-killer. Stick with it if you must. Just don’t take it personally and understand you’ll never get it “right.” If that bugs you, distinguish between belonging to a team you love and doing the work you love. Big difference.
7. A lawn sprinkler is a poor man’s ocean. Let them kill your production budget for the big training event kick-off! Get scrappy, creative and in action with your team. People will notice and often admire your tenacity more than the expensive, glitzy, gimmicky stuff you may have had in the works. Key is to slow things down, be authentic and unlock intimate opportunities to connect with and recognize people. Doesn’t cost much. Payoff is massive.
8. Prudge through it. Sometimes it’s the best you can do. Pray through the Sludge = Prudge. Common language speaks to common emotions and has the power to pull everyone through tough times. It becomes code for those fighting the good fight.
9. “Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Google it. Print it. Post it. Read it every morning. It’s about bringing humility to our change work and respecting that despite the asinine things we hear people say, something else may be going on in their lives that’s preventing them from moving forward at the pace we’ve set. Gently learn what that is. You may be the only one who has come into this knowledge and therein, you will have gained a new change ally, maybe a new friend.
10. Flip the Cramptons. Sometimes lurking in the shadows difficult to spot, sometimes on hotel barstools next to you the night before the morning’s enterprise, kick-off meeting, you will encounter lifers committed to sabotaging the change effort and burning everything down along the way. No problem. Draw your lightsaber of mercy, listen to their rational and irrational rants, give them voice. That’s what they really want. Over time — maybe even a bit by tomorrow’s meeting — you’ll earn their trust and they’ll join your team.
11. “Listen to me with your eyes.” I heard a child say this to his super-busy mom. Just another thing people need going through change journeys. (Resistance and organizational dysfunction rise when they don’t feel heard, right?) Make active listening part of who you are. Especially tough in today’s virtual meeting world. So again, get creative here. Studies still hold that 55% or more of communication is non-verbal. Most importantly, people want to see you seeing them.
12. “BUBIA! BUBIA!” As a guy who tends to overthink a lot of stuff, this battle-cry has been a life saver. “Be Unreasonable. Be In Action.” It speaks to the fact that those of us who are committed to change work are well-trained, have tools up the wazoo, obsess about our T-minus plans, maybe even sport sweet, glyph, change tatts. That’s all the “reasonableness,” if you will. What I need to remind myself is that I’m already thoroughly hard-wired for success in this field. So rather than sweat the small stuff all the time, better for me to spring from my instincts to achieve new breakthroughs and generate fresh energy. (Just whispering these two words — “BUBIA! BUBIA!” — will put you in the mood to try it.)
13. Ponder parsecs. Ahh, perspective. It can save a dark day. Sure there are silver linings and our positive affirmations to repeat over and over again. I’ve also bookmarked the Parsec Wikipedia page. Reminds me of how big or small my change challenges are on any given day. Might not be your thing. But find something that is. It’ll give you staying power by maintaining a balanced mindset.
14. Fluff drives engagement. Thanks to my brilliant, young, left-brain PM colleague for coining this phrase. At the start, she struggled to articulate the value of my change-readiness and comms work. Then she saw leaders, managers and end users react to it unlike they were reacting to any of our strategic report outs, hard data of future-state business gains, integration infographics of how the new system would benefit the entire enterprise. Nope. It was the soft stuff that got people into the conversation and onto the platform. And trust me, it’s not knowing how to design, deliver and drive the soft stuff during the change journey that keeps self-aware business leaders up at night.
15. Beware of KNARFs. (I pronounce it with a hard “K” for a more intense effect.) KNARF is FRANK spelled backwards. It stands for Know-it-all, Narcissistic, Always Resisting Forward-momentum people. You know who they are. Now you have a label for them. Choose wisely how you interact with them if you must. Depending on where they sit in an organization or in your life, they can be lethal despite your most heroic change efforts.

Human transformation is like a stone rolling downhill: I loved that metaphor the first time I heard it. I see the stone as soft and rounded, its character shaped from all the bumps and bruises earned on the journey over time. There’s perpetual motion. And there’s descent, to me, a downward and inward pathway leading to a new authenticity, one with less ego and an expanding receptivity of others and new possibilities.

Was that lesson 16? Not sure. It’s all heartfelt change wisdom I continually reflect on as I tumble down my own hill of self-discovery at work and in all of life.

Hope you pack a few of them on your change journey. I’m also eager to hear the insights you’re leaning into, so let ’em fly!